GLENDOLA AVENUE — With the sun preparing to set on the off-season and rise on the 2025 Glendola Sports League (GSL) campaign this Memorial Day Weekend, all eyes are once again on the league’s most volatile duo: Aidan and Blake Paris. The Paris cousins, who spent the entirety of 2024 serving year-long suspensions for crimes against commitment and basic decency, are now seeking reinstatement—and potentially, redemption.

The League Office, presided over by Commissioner Jordan Paris, has remained tight-lipped on whether the suspensions will be lifted. However, sources close to the situation say that a decision is "imminent" and “entirely dependent on whether either cousin learned anything during their year in exile at Camp Sun-N-Fun.”

“It was a corrective experience,” said one camp staffer. “Blake learned how to set an alarm clock. Aidan learned that life doesn’t come with unlimited screen time.” Whether those lessons stick remains to be seen.

Blake’s path to reinstatement is reportedly “hanging by a thread,” especially after a troubling Instagram post in February that read simply, “Might skip this season too tbh.” The League’s Ethics Committee (comprised entirely of cousins with vendettas) called the post “alarming,” “concerning,” and “not a vibe.”

Meanwhile, Aidan’s case is slightly more promising. Following an intervention involving confiscated phones, multiple talks with his godfather, and what sources describe as “a deeply moving youth sermon,” Aidan appears ready to rejoin society—and the GSL—without checking Snapchat mid-possession.

Still, trust remains in short supply.

“These suspensions weren’t just about two guys flaking out or texting during crunch time,” said Commissioner Paris in a recent press conference. “They were a line in the sand. And that line was drawn with a Sharpie.”

Fans are divided. Some are eager for a return of the chaos-laced energy that only the Paris boys can bring. Others say the league has finally found peace in their absence, with last summer’s games achieving record attendance and zero forfeits for “mysterious reasons.”

Should they return, the cousins will be on double-secret probation, a rarely-used disciplinary status that includes mandatory pregame stretching, no phone access within 10 feet of the sideline, and a required essay titled, “Why I Must Respect the League.”

As of press time, both Aidan and Blake have submitted formal appeals and a suspicious number of Instagram Stories featuring inspirational quotes.

Efforts to reach Aidan and Blake for comment were unsuccessful, possibly due to weak Wi-Fi at Camp Sun-N-Fun.