In an unprecedented move, the Glendola Sports League (GSL) has handed down year-long suspensions to two of its most notorious players, Aidan Paris and Blake Paris. The disciplinary actions come on the heels of behavior that Commissioner Jordan Paris described as "utterly unprofessional and detrimental to the spirit of our beloved league."

Blake's Disappearance

Blake Paris, a player known for having questionable commitment in the past, found himself in hot water after his mysterious no-show at the Memorial Day Weekend Games. According to the disciplinary letter, Blake's absence was not only unannounced but also came without any legitimate excuse. "Despite multiple reminders and clear expectations, Blake chose to ghost the league," stated Commissioner Paris in his letter. The suspension for the entire 2024 season aims to remind players that attendance is not just encouraged—it’s mandatory.

Aidan's Texting

Meanwhile, Aidan Paris was benched for a very different kind of misconduct. Reports and game footage revealed that Aidan was frequently engaged in texting on the sidelines matches. This blatant disregard for game decorum not only disrupted his performance but also distracted his teammates and disrespected spectators. "Using your phone mid-game? Even the kids in the stands know better," quipped an anonymous league official.

Both suspensions underline a strict message from the league: professionalism and commitment are non-negotiable. While Blake's suspension was straightforward, Aidan's could have been much worse. There were rumors that the league office was considering a lifetime ban, making his one-year suspension seem like a lenient punishment.

For now, the Paris cousins have five days to appeal the decisions. As they ponder their next steps, the league and its fans are left to wonder if these dramatic actions will finally instill some discipline in the duo.

In the meantime, Aidan and Blake will be exiled to Camp Sun-N-Fun to learn what it means to work hard and be disciplined.